Helping your children understand changes at puberty

Children following the SCARF programme will already have a good understanding of their bodies, and how and why they change as they go through puberty.

Parents are recognised as children's primary educators for Relationships and Sex Education (RSE), yet many feel unprepared. Often this is because they had poor RSE themselves - from home, school, or both.

For ages 3-7, it's about helping children to understand what a good friend is and how to be one, about different types of families, what the differences are between boys and girls, and what the private parts of the body are, helping them to keep safe.

For ages 8-11 it's building on the information above and developing further knowledge about the physical and emotional changes that take place, alongside learning the reasons for the changes in more detail. This includes developing an understanding of how people are able to reproduce - if they want to - when they’re adults.

The following information and resources are designed to support you in helping your child at each stage, to become more aware of themselves and others, to help them navigate the emotional and physical changes that take place during puberty, as well as learning about sex in the context of safe, loving relationships.

Useful books/audiobooks for parents

Questions Children Ask and How to Answer Them by Dr M Stoppard

Speakeasy: Talking with your Children about Growing Up by fpa (Family Planning Association)

Can I have babies too? Sexuality and Relationships Education for Children from Infancy up to Age 11 by Sanderijn van der Doef, Clare Bennett, and Arris Lueks

sex ed: how to talk to your kids about sex by Dr Laura Berman

Sex Ed for Grown-Ups by Jonny Hunt

Brilliant questions about growing up by Amy Forbes-Robertson and Alex Fryer

How to talk to your kids about sex - six sesssions (Available on Audible) by Justine Ang Fonte (US)

When Young People with Intellectual Disabilities and Autism Hit Puberty by Freddy Jackson Brown and Sarah Brown

Sexuality and Severe Autism by Kate E Reynolds

Useful websites/film clips for children (we recommend you watch them first so you are prepared for any questions)

Amaze.org- Puberty section (Age 9+)

Operation Ouch! How are babies made? (age 9-12)

Operation Ouch! Puberty (age 8-14)

Kids' Health - Menstruation

Male puberty - including wet dreams

Outspoken - information, advice and resources

NHS Periods

Friendship Soup

Useful websites for parents

Planned Parenthood:Talking with you preschooler - tips on how to bring up different topics

Amaze: How to talk to your young child about relationships and sex (film clips and resources)

Family Lives, Talking about puberty and Talking about sex

NSPCC

Outspoken

Sex positive families

Sitting in car YouTube Channel: how to talk comfortably with your kids about sex and consent

Talking to your child about online sexual harassment- a guide for parents

Harmful sexual behaviour prevention toolkit - for parents, carers, family members and professionals

Outspoken speaking out: how to talk about porn with your child

Resources for parents of young people with Down’s syndrome covering issues such as puberty, periods and diet.

Childhood masturbation: eight ways to manage it

Multilingual sexual health resources, including information about periods and vulvas

'That Parent Group' Facebook group for parents This is a group where you can ask those sex-ed related questions and see how other parents handle it. You will find parents from all over the world, which means you will come across a wide range of values and beliefs, and religions (as well as no religion).

Sex Education 101: Age by age guides to sex education

NSPCC Sexual development and behaviour in children: age-specific

BBC Teach: Dealing with friendship issues (age 7-11)

CBEEBIES: How to help your child make friends at primary school (age 4+)

Parents with confidence: Help your child navigate friendship problems with these 6 tips

Personal hygiene for pre-teens and teenagers (age 9-15)

Talk soon. Talk often. A guide for parents talking to their kids about sex. (Age and stage guidance for parents of children aged 0 to 18 years)

Suggested RSE Activities in the home:

Draw around bodies

Draw around bodies and label parts, using correct words (and family names) and their purpose

What's in the bag? Puberty

Put together your own ‘puberty bag’ from household items. Discuss each one and why it’s used, e.g. deodorant, razors, tampons/pads, shower gel, washing powder, tissues, hair gel.

What's in the bag? Growing up

Same as above for contents of handbag; items support discussions about growing up

Anonymous questions box

Have an old shoe box, or similar, where children could post questions that they might not be able to ask you verbally.

Praise and thank them for their questions. Try to answer them using the webpages above to help provide age-appropriate, fact-based answers.

RSE Bingo

Watch the telly or a programme you enjoy on Netflix together. Every time you hear a sexist remark, a stereotype, or an unhealthy attitude -call it out! And use it as an opportunity to discuss RSE-related matters, asking your child what they think.

Online games to support learning

Band Runner A game from CEOP highlighting how to be safe online. Aimed at 8-10 year olds.

Different Families Home Learning Pack

Stonewall’s home learning packs can be used by parents or carers looking to support their child’s learning with either primary, secondary or SEND (P-scales) version of each pack. Each pack comes with suggested activities and supporting materials to support your child's learning. Pick and choose the activities to suit your child.

Growing and Changing Leaflets

Ask your school if they can provide you with a leaflet summarising how they prepare your child for growing and changing. SCARF schools have access to leaflet templates on our website that they can edit to accurately share their Relationships and Health Education offer with you and how parents can carry on the conversation at home.